I don’t really want to write this. And in all honesty, I shouldn’t have to.
Exactly one year ago today, a friend of mine committed suicide. My second and third posts were about this tragic event.
To this day, I have no idea why or how this occurred. And I don’t want to know. I prefer to keep the image of him in my memory as I actually knew him, and not as some horrible scene of death that my overactive imagination drums up.
I guess what I really want to say in this post is what I have wanted to say to him.
Not a day goes by that I don’t think about you and what happened. I have no idea what drove you to make such a drastic decision to end your own life. I only ever knew you as cheerful and determined. I knew you were focused on becoming a Naval Officer, and you would have made a great one.
I wish you were still here. I wish you had been up on that commissioning stage with me and the others, raising your right hand and reciting the Oath of Office. The CO’s address was amazing, and I wish you could have taken part in it. There will always be a part of me that aches for these things. As time goes by, that part will grow smaller, but it will never leave.
I never thought anything good could come from something so tragic. I have never considered myself suicidal, but lately I think I have become such. The remembrance of what occurred one year ago has led me to realize that I need to seek help. I wish my realization didn’t have to come in this way.
I hope and pray that you found the peace that you sought. I know you were deeply Catholic, so I hope that peace is in Heaven, with God.
Your Friend and Colleague